can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
