I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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