Just fell off a train. Bad.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's blow job season.
Alive.
So much puke
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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