my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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