So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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