You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i think i just lost a toe
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
