i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
