Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i barfeds in our rink
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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