you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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