I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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