her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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