We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
