Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
