I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
