Where is the hickey?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
