Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
