so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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