Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
