Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
