so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
