Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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