What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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