worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
