I accidentally had phone sex last night
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
