That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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