Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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