I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
