I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
