after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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