she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
