I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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