my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
