I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Are we still banned from the library?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
