Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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