Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
