I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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