If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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