Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
