return my video game
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
