he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
