I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
