So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
