I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
