Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
