So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
