or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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