He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
