My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
