i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
