Where did you get a picture of my penis
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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