everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
