Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
