It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
