Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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