walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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