If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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