how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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