Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
