Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
