Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
