Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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